Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
