so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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