i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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