Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
