i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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