some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
