So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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