Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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