Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
