Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
