White coat. Heels.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
