I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
