she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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