Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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