I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
how does that bad decision feel?
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