Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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