all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize