I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize