remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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