Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
