careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
