I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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