i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
