Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
