Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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