you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
