So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
