I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
