Whod you bang
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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