They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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