if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
