Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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