you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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