Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
