i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
