I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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