new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
