we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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