you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
