is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
