Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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