Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
