i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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