I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize