it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
