I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
