dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
