So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
