You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
