Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
