hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
