I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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