What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
