I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
