Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
