Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
