and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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