I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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