Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
