Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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