turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
