I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
