I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
