I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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