Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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