its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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