Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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