I didn't shave. On purpose
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she pinky promised me she was 18
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize