the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
