It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize