She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
