He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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