We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
