What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize