I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Randomize
