At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
