don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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