Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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