I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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