I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
