I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So vagazzling was a success
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
