Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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