mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
