just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think a kid would responsible me up
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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