I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
