I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
