hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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