it's too hot outside to masturbate.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize