The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
